We’ve updated our Terms of Use to reflect our new entity name and address. You can review the changes here.
We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

DECEMBER.

by CENSORED dialogue

/

about

everybody home to feed they souls. i'm fuckin famished...

lyrics

Someone tell me what’s a home, shit, I grew up in a war zone
Raised to be a target, blood and bruises, shit was getting thrown
Firstborn child, parents preached that I had a throne
But the love you give me less and less when myself is shown
'Motions swinging back and forth at me like a metronome
I be getting beatings for mistakes, momma set a tone
So I’m just tryna break the cycle til my tombstone
So I'm just tryna break the cycle

I was really raised thinking love was conditional
I was doing everything to stay in pole position though
Searching for acceptance had me running 'round kissing foes
Now I’m missing toxic hoes who always kept me on my toes
Knowing I am not their first choice when they hit my phone
Cuz that shit is better than alone, so much I condone
Imma listen to her cry and groan knowing she will roam
Into the arms of another who's more lovable
I remember tryna hug my mother when she stressing me
Tiptoeing baby bird casings when she next to me
Everybody on the outside say I’m blessed to be
Living in nice house, but niggas wanna murder me
Niggas on the outside who wanna take my life
Momma screaming on the inside, I’m reaching for the knife
Told her that I’m suicidal, and she punched me with the right
Got a nigga tearing up right now, I’m tryna write
'Bout the feelings that I’m feeling on a lonely sunday night
Know it ain’t nobody fault, I’m just running from abandonment
Drowning in my loneliness, I hate it and I’m panickin'
Everyday I’m thanking god I made it out that psych ward
It ran me 5 bands, way more than all I can afford
Privileged cuz my parents paid it off, I know I’m fortunate
Maybe I should shut up, the ungrateful college kid
Then I think about all the abuse in the ultimate
Scheming on me fucking up, yeah I was getting choked and shit
I’m just glad I made it out, I think I was the chosen kid
Despite all of the pain and the crippling they left me with
Everybody home to feed they souls, I’m fuckin' famished man
I be coming back to broken faces and demolishment
Niggas keep misgendering, and I just want acknowledgment
I wanna serve my honesty, but first I gotta polish it
Otherwise my parents gonna pick apart, like, all of it
Can’t believe my brother gullible, he really fall for shit
He don’t even listen, he just glisten hateful rhetoric
He say I’m too depressed plus all the transphobic shit
Held him down his whole life and got nothin' to show for it
If somebody pressing on my brother, I put bodies down
'spite the fact my momma show him praise when she put me down
I’m the scapegoat and family clown, he the golden child
They gon demonize me for the drugs and my mental rounds
Whenever they fuck up: “oh, you acting like jazz now?”
“why you acting like jazz now?”

Have you lost your fucking mind?

So I pray
I pray that it won't feel the same and
Don't think that I can't see it in your eyes
Darling, yeah, we both knew that from the start
Some minds are better kept apart

credits

released February 12, 2021
raps: CENSORED dialogue
beat: Cenny D
mix: TMPEST

license

tags

about

CENSORED dialogue Austin, Texas

STKHM. SHE/HER.

contact / help

Contact CENSORED dialogue

Streaming and
Download help

Report this track or account

CENSORED dialogue recommends:

If you like CENSORED dialogue, you may also like: